Discernment Counseling Services in Montclair, NJ
IN-PERSON & ONLINE
When you’re unsure, discernment offers direction.
If you or your partner are considering ending your relationship but aren't completely sure that's the best path, you're in a tough spot. Discernment Counseling is designed for you. It's a chance to slow down, take a breath, and look at your options.
Discernment Counseling is a different way of working with couples where one person is "leaning out" of the relationship—and isn't sure that regular couples counseling would help—and the other is "leaning in," meaning they're interested in rebuilding.
I'll help you decide whether to work on restoring your relationship, move toward separating, or take a time out and decide later.
The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future.
The goal is not to solve your problems but to see if they're solvable. You'll each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you're feeling about the relationship right now.
You'll come in together, but the most important work happens in the one-to-one conversations. Why? Because you're starting out in different places.
I'll respect your reasons for wanting out while also opening up the possibility of repair.
I'll also emphasize the importance of each of you seeing your own contributions to the problems and to the possible solutions. That will serve you in future relationships even if this one ends.
Number of sessions: A maximum of 5. The first is usually 2 hours; the rest are 1.5 to 2 hours.
Discernment Counseling is not a fit when:
One partner has already made a final decision to end the relationship
One partner is coercing the other into participating
There is danger of domestic violence
Discernment Counseling was developed by Dr. Bill Doherty at the University of Minnesota.
What we’ll work on
Discernment Counseling can help
Clarify whether to work on repair, move toward separation or pause with more understanding.
Choose next steps with more confidence and honesty.
Begin to separate fear and guilt from what’s truly right for each of you.
How It Works
Short-Term, Clarity-Focused
Discernment counseling usually takes 1–5 sessions, offering space for clarity about what’s happening, before deciding what’s next.
Choosing a Direction
By the end, you’ll have a better sense of whether to work on repair, separate, or take a pause with more understanding.
Individual & Shared Time
Each session includes time together and separately, allowing for shared conversation and individual reflection.
FAQS
Common questions about discernment counseling
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Traditional couples therapy assumes both partners want to stay and work on the relationship. Discernment counseling is different, it’s for couples where one or both people are unsure. The focus is on clarity and understanding, not on immediate repair.
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This is a short-term process, usually one to five sessions. The first session is two hours to allow time with each partner individually and together to understand what’s happening. Some need one session and others need a bit more time.
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If you both decide to work on the relationship, we can transition into ongoing couples therapy, or I can help connect you with another therapist if that’s a better fit. The clarity from discernment counseling gives a strong starting point for that next step.
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Discernment counseling requires special scheduling since the first session is two hours. Please call 973.283.5986 or email to schedule.